Definition of Success

Something that has been rattling around in my brain the last 2 days is:

"Success is not achieving a more than others expected of you, it is achieving the goal you set, no matter the duration, length or pain it took to cross finish line!"

I don't think I have read that anywhere. I think it's all me. :P And I know it sounds "Over the top", but I guess that's all me too! :P

Some of you may not know that the weekend before last I attempted for the first time to circumnavigate the outskirts of Nottingham, and it was all going well, but somewhere around 70 km or so, I started getting uncomfortable. My butt was sore, I had lost the feeling in my feet (due to the cold) about an hour earlier. My muscles were starting to ache. I had no energy left. I'd finished all my bananas, energy bar and drinks, and at this point my entire body was starting to get super cold!

In that weak state I convinced myself that I COULDN'T finish. At 75 km I gave up and called Karen who didn't answer! So I pushed on to see how much further I could go, but after another 2 km I quit for good and walked into the Pub nearby, ordered a hot drink and sat on the chair at the table feeling sorry for myself! I posted my dissapointment on Facebook and text my Paul, knowing he would be honest and tell me what I knew I should be telling myself: "I was WEAK and a QUITTER!", but didn't get a text back (out of dissapointment?). Eventually Karen returned my call and came to pick me up. It was a massive low point for this year! My mood was bolstered by friends posting how impressed they were by my achievement. How they couldn't have gone that far. How impressed they were and how proud I should be for how far I have come and that 77 km was nothing to be ashamed of.

It worked. It made me feel better....but only for a short time. Eventually I had to face the fact, that I set myself a goal. I felt good about it, and figured if I just went at it, I could finish it. But I let weakness and doubt creap in when literally "The Elements were against me" and I failed! No matter how impressive how far I had come was, I had NOT crossed the finish line and for the rest of the week, daily, I reminded myself of that. I knew I wasn't ready to attempt it again this weekend, and I know I can't do it the next 2 weekends because of things we have on, but I WILL attempt it again, SOON, and this time.....I WONT QUIT! No matter the weather, no matter how I feel, dealing with failing again is NOT an option!

Determination has seen me lose almost 11 stone in 10 months. Determination has seen me evolve from a fat guy who couldn't walk a 1.2 km round trip to take his kids to school, to currently running 7 or 8 km in a session and cycling now a record distance of 77 km. Determination WILL see me circumnavigate the outskirts of Nottingham! Or I will die trying! :P